This Is Awkward
by LilyWanKenobi
Summary: (Takes place directly after the Rako Hardeen Arc in season 4 of the Clone Wars.) Satine is grieving, and Siri has very little sympathy. or Jealous Siri tries to sabotage Obi-Wan and Satine's relationship. (Heavily inspired by the 1995 movie adaptation of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility)


From the first time she saw her, Satine had a feeling that she and the Jedi Master would not get along well.

The Jedi had sent a message earlier that morning, that in the light of the attacks on her life, they would send someone to make sure her apartment was secure. And what was the likelihood that the Jedi Master they chose would be Siri Tachi?

After Obi-Wan's funeral the fortnight before, she had yet to recover from the shock. His death had caused an almost shameful amount of grief. She hadn't moved from her bed for nearly a week, and had spent the past few days digging through her collection of everything Obi. Holo's of them both had littered the coffee table and couches, a painful reminder to what had almost been.

She hadn't meant to fall asleep while sorting through them, but somehow she found herself opening her eyes to the sight of a blonde in Jedi robes sitting across from her, scrolling through something on a datapad, which she set down almost immediately.

"I hope you had a nice rest, Your Grace."

Blinking blurry eyes, Satine sat up slowly, trying to clear the cobwebs in her mind. Rubbing her neck to ease out the kinks that came from sleeping on a too small couch, she tried to piece together what was happening.

The woman smiled, but something about it seemed a little less than sincere. "Forgive me. I'm Siri."

She blinked listlessly, not sure if she was supposed to recognize the name or not.

It must have been the former, for Siri seemed to be surprised at the lack of recognition. "I was Ben's friend. Well," she grinned as if they were two friends at a sleepover sharing secrets. "Between us girls, a bit of more than friends, if you catch my drift."

 _Siri_. She remembered the name now. Obi-Wan had mentioned his 'friend' Siri many times. And somehow, she had managed to prick Satine's ire in the first two minutes of their acquaintance. "But…"

"...we're Jedi?" Siri laughed, then leaned forward. 'You'd be surprised at how many Jedi break that rule, Duchess. I'm surprised that Obi-Wan never mentioned me. From what I was able to pry out of him about you, he seemed to think of you as a friend."

Satine wasn't sure if that was meant as a compliment or not.

"When I heard that they needed someone to protect you, I immediately told them I would do it. After all, you were Ben's friend, and I'm sure he would have been so pleased that we'd become friends." She smiled weakly, so sad and genuine it turned Satine's stomach.

"I'm sure." She couldn't hold back the dry sarcasm in her voice as she stood. "I'm sorry about his death."

A flicker of suspicion shone in Siri's eyes, but only for a split second. "Yes, I was devastated when I heard it." She sniffed. "I overheard him talking to Nara the night before, and I think he was planning to surprise me when he got back.."

"Too bad." Going to the kitchen, she set a cup of tea to brew, hoping to end the conversation.

Siri, however, remained undeterred. "I know, isn't it? We rarely were on Coruscant at the same time, so it was always good when we have the chance to see each other." She sighed. "It's been almost a year, now, but I was sure we'd have plenty of time together, since we were both to have leave."

Satine hated the jealousy that welled up in her. She had no idea how many times Obi-Wan had been on leave since he'd left Mandalore, but she only knew that he hadn't once attempted to get in contact with her on any of them.

 _Probably too busy with Siri._ that little jealous voice inside her said peevishly.

Angry at herself for being so unsympathetic even after his death, she picked up her mug of hot tea and stepped back out of the kitchen.

Just in time to see Obi-Wan step into her living area.

It was all she could do to not drop her tea as he gave her a disarmingly charming smile, looking very much like he had as a padawan with short hair and no beard. "Made one for me, love?"

She wanted to cry. She managed to catch one particularly nasty sob just before it rose to the surface, but she knew he saw it from the way his smile slipped and his eyes softened.

He took one step forward. "Satine…"

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Siri watching them questioningly, and suddenly, she remembered where she was.

Stepping back, she forced the tears back. "You know Master Tachi, of course."

He froze, and she could see the light in his eyes dim. Slowly, he turned and offered the other Jedi a weak smile. "Siri."

She smiled, looking not at all surprised at the fact that he was alive. "Ben." When he said nothing, she added, "I suppose you expected me to be waiting for you at the temple."

Obi-Wan blinked, looking very much confused. "I…"

"Obi-Wan?" The questioning voice of Nubian senator Padmé Amidala wafted through Satine's apartment, shortly followed by the woman herself. Her eyes lit up. "Obi-Wan, it is you! I thought I recognized your voice. Anakin just told me that you were on your way back here, and you have no idea how glad I am that you are well.."

Satine inhaled, wondering if her friend had caught her slip-up.

But Obi-Wan didn't seem to notice, or if he did, he didn't mention it, instead looking very uncomfortable. "I apologize, Padmé. I didn't wish to make anyone upset."

Padmé smiled genially. "Don't apologize to me, Satine is the one who has been so distraught. How could you lie to her like that? She didn't leave her bed for a week., and barely even survived your funeral."

He glanced at her, then at Siri, who was watching them both like a hawk. "I apologize to Her Grace for any pain I may have been the source of." All the right words, but all delivered in such a stiff and formal manner that it made Satine's heart ache.

The Senator must have picked up on it as well, for she frowned. "Is something wrong? Satine, aren't you happy to see Obi-Wan?"

She smiled weakly, completely at a loss of what to say. "It's… good… to see that he is alive, yes."

For a minute or two, the four of them stood there in awkward silence, Padmé confused, Obi-Wan uncomfortable, Satine on edge and Siri completely innocent.

Just when Satine was sure she could bear the silence no more, he cleared his throat. "I suppose I must be going now. They're expecting me at the temple."

Padmé frowned. "Already? But you just got here."

"Yes, well, I must go. I only had a few moments to spare as it was…" he trailed off.

Siri immediately seemed to grow several inches. "Then maybe you could escort me back?"

Satine did her best to maintain a cheerful front as she followed both Jedi to the door. Always polite, no matter that she wanted nothing more than to throw both of them out on their ears. After all, she didn't need him, and he had surely shown that he didn't need her.

After all, he had Siri, with all of her false smiles and hidden barbs.

She would have liked to push them out without a word of salutation, but she was a Duchess. And Duchess's were always polite.

So she smiled and waved, pretending that her heart wasn't lying in shattered pieces inside of her.

Then, they were gone.

"Why didn't you ask him to stay?"

She'd almost forgotten Padmé was still there. "He must have had his reasons for leaving so soon."

Padmé scoffed. "He left because you were so rude!"

"I treated him no worse than any other of my acquaintances. Besides," she began to pick up the scattered holos and put them back in the box where she kept them. "That was Master Tachi with him. I wouldn't want her to get the wrong impression and put his position with the Jedi in jeopardy because we met each other over a decade ago."

The senator's mouth fell open, and she rose stiffly. "Well, then, I apologize that I was given the wrong impression I didn't know being 'acquaintances' called for one to cry at the graveside, but I might be wrong." She glanced at the wall chrono. "I'm sorry, but I'm late for a meeting. Goodbye, Satine." And with an angry huff, she headed towards the door.

Then, finally, Satine was alone.

Sinking down on the closest seat, she stared listlessly at the holos in her hands. A glutton for punishment, she turned one on, watching the short loop sadly.

And, for the second time in a month, she cried for the man she had lost.

* * *

"Hey, Obi-Wan, we going out tonight?" Quinlan's head popped through the doorway of Obi-Wan's quarters, and he winked. "I heard that you can never drink too much once you're dead."

For once, Obi-Wan smiled at his friend. "SOunds good to me."

The kiffar smirked. "Just as a bit of heads up, Siri's coming. She said she needs a few drinks after dealing with that duchess of yours." He leaned against the door jamb. "How did that go down, by the way? Kenobi, you have no idea how lucky you are, having two beautiful women fighting over you…"

He exhaled patiently. "There was no fighting, Quinlan, and neither of them are mine. I'm pretty sure the Duchess would castrate you if you as much as hinted to such a thing." She hadn't been happy to see him, she'd made that clear. "I hope Siri's not upset because the Jedi sent her."

"Sent? That girl jumped at the chance to go. I've never met anyone that was more of a glutton for punishment." Quinlan laughed. "Unless she didn't know who the Duchess was."

Obi-Wan frowned. "The council didn't send her?"

"Of course not. They were going to have Shaak just drop by, but Siri volunteered."

But why would Siri go to see Satine? It made no sense. From the time he had returned from Mandalore all those years ago, she'd never had a good thing to say about the Duchess.

Unless….

"Shavit." The datapad that he'd been holding fell to the floor with a loud clatter, but he didn't pay attention as he paced the room. "When Sat… the Duchess came here, did Siri see her?"

"No, she didn't even know you were dead until the day before yesterday, when she came back from her mission, but Garen and Aayla told her about the Duchess before I could." Quinlan's eyes widened when Obi-Wan swore again. "You don't think…"

He was already shrugging on his robe. "I can't be for sure, but it wouldn't surprise me."

"Confronting her isn't going to do any good. She's not going to listen to you."

"I'm not going to Siri."

"But…" Quinlan paused, a smirk spreading across his face. "I guess you changed your mind about drinks, then?"

"Sorry, old friend, but I have more pressing matters to attend to."

* * *

Satine sipped melancholily on her fourth glass of wine. The drink had been sour at first, but she was slowly warming to it. It seemed to reflect her mood as time passed. First, bitter and sad, now it seemed to change to the absent blankness that came after the tears were gone. Another glass would assuredly be as whimsical and varied as her drunken self was.

She was already a bit past tipsy, but she had no intention of stopping until she was full out drink. She was scheduled to return to Mandalore the next day, and heavens knew when she would be able to drink away her woes again. Not like the alcohol took away the sadness; it was simply a non-judging companion through it. Something to make her forget everything that stood between her and the one thing she wanted.

Siri Tachi. The Jedi. Mandalore. Korkie. Politics.

Love.

That sparked a whole new ocean of tears.

She had just finished her fourth glass and was about to pour her fifth when a figure seemed to emerge from her balcony. She rubbed her eyes. Surely she wasn't drunk enough yet to be imagining sexy Jedi Masters coming to her as the sun set.

Right?

But there he was, seeming breathless and flustered, too close to her dreams. No, this could not be him. Especially not after leaving a few hours earlier with another woman.

"Satine…"

It sounded like him. It looked like him. But it _couldn't_ be him. She glared down at her glass. She should have known better than to drink past her third glass.

But… since he _wasn't_ real, there couldn't be any wrong in talking to him, could there? As long as she was drunk, she might as well enjoy it.

So, setting her glass on the table carefully and wincing when it clinked too loud. "I thought you were dead."

"I'm sorry, I never wanted to deceive you. I wasn't sure if you would even here about it, and in the slim chance that you would, you wouldn't care, and if you did, whatever emotions you might show would only strengthen the claim that I was dead." His hand ran through his hair slowly, ruffling it up in a way that she found unbearably adorable. "I had no idea that you would come all the way to Coruscant…"

She rose to her feet abruptly as anger coursed through her swiftly and unhindered. "How dare you insult me in such a way! It is not your choice what I am allowed to feel. Just because I never asked you to stay doesn't give you the right to use me for your own selfish reasons whenever you wish. Next time you decide it's convenient for you to die, tell me first."

Somehow, she wasn't sure how, either he or she had crossed the room, and now they stood only a few inches apart. She could see the stubbly growth of his hair, the blue hints in his ridiculous gray eyes, the fine laugh lines formed around his eyes that hinted to too much stress, the dark circles under his eyes that spoke of too many sleepless nights…

The pink lips that were so close, ready for her to kiss.

Well, they were there, weren't they? What sort of woman could she call herself if she didn't take advantage of them?

She leaned forward, fully intending to press her lips to his. But somehow, he must have anticipated her action, for he captured her wrists in his hands and took a step back. "Satine, don't…"

She whimpered, not missing the husky undertone of his voice. He wanted this as much as she did, so why was he resisting her?

From the way his eyes seemed to vascillate between navy and gray, he seemed to be asking the same question. "We can't… You're drunk, you don't want this. You don't know what you're doing."

Suddenly, she was transported back, over a decade and a half ago. She'd been drunk then, as well, and he'd been slightly tipsy as well. He wouldn't kiss her then, either, no matter how much she had begged. He'd been harsh on her then, telling her that she was just a drunk girl who didn't know what she'd wanted.

But she had known, even then, two months before he'd been able to squeeze her sober answer out. She wouldn't have dared to admit such a thing to him then, but now…

Kriff it all, they were both adults. So what if she'd had a bit of alcohol? If it was enough to make her admit what she'd wanted to for over fifteen years, then so be it.

"I want you."

He was being torn, she could see it on every inch of his face. "You don't…"

"I'll die wanting you, and be happy just to know that I had you once," she whispered. "You can leave now, and I'll never fault you. Hell, tomorrow I'll probably thank you. But it won't stop the ache that I've had since you left me, all those years ago on Mandalore. I didn't ask you to stay then, and I won't now, but that doesn't mean I don't want to."

"Had you said the word…"

She smiled sadly, cursing herself for being so sensible even when she was drunk. "I know. And now you know why I never did."

* * *

Obi-Wan opened his eyes to the dim light of the early morning dawn. Slender arms wrapped around his waist, and a satiny cheek was pillowed on his chest. But even though he'd never felt better in his life, the nagging feeling of guilt still hung heavily over him.

He could never give her what she deserved.

There was only one clear solution to this scenario, and there were so many reasons why he couldn't choose it.

Leave the Order, leave the war, start a new life with Satine…

Anakin, Ahsoka, the 212th, the whole of the war effort, the Jedi… All legitimate reasons why he couldn't leave.

And she hadn't asked him to. She'd made it clear that she _wouldn't_ ask him to.

He should feel relieved, grateful that she understood. But instead, all he felt was a lingering unease.

"You're still here?" Her voice was husky and eyes clouded from sleep, but he could still see and hear the muted surprise. "Don't you have to report to the council?"

"Not for another five hours." He hesitated for a second before plowing forward. "Until then, I'm all yours."

There was a hint of a smile around her lips, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come. "You shouldn't have stayed."

"I wanted to. You don't… do you regret it?" Despite the guilt he felt, he sincerely hoped that she didn't feel the same.

But she smiled, scooting forward to kiss him gently. "I should, and I probably will eventually." Her eyes began to fill with tears, but she blinked them away quickly. "I have a question for you."

A sense of dread fell over him, and he tightened his grip on her waist reflexively. "Yes?"

"The Jedi who came here yesterday, Siri Tachi. She said…" Here she paused, seeming to struggle for a moment. "Were you… did you… was she your lover?"

He stiffened, and she drew back slightly at the movement. Forcing himself to relax, he tried to find the correct words. "She and I…. I've known her my whole life. We were crechemates. During one of our missions, I thought I cared for her. But my commitment to the order would not allow us to pursue a relationship with her, and I turned my back on everything that had happened." She'd turned her face away so that he couldn't see her reaction, and he knew she was upset. "What did SIri say to you?"

"Nothing of importance."

She was hiding something, but he knew that there was no way to get more out of her. Siri had said something, he was sure of that, but he couldn't well apologize for something he if he wasn't even sure what it was. So when she kissed him with a silent desparation, he didn't even try to fight her.

He would give her the only thing she would ask her, even if it would kill him in the end.

* * *

Korkie Kryze watched his aunt carefully. It had already been a month since her impromptu trip to Coruscant upon the supposed death of Kenobi, but she had yet to return back to her normal self. She seemed to be more serious of late, and he'd noticed her watching him sadly on many occasions when she thought he wasn't looking.

She'd invited him to dine with her for lunch, something that had surprised and concerned him. Even though he had leave to visit her close to whenever he wanted, she had rarely extended the olive branch to him. And after seeing how pale and tired she looked, his worry seemed to increase tenfold.

He was roused from her thoughts when she set her spoon down, a telltale sign that she was about to speak. "Korkie, I was thinking… your birthday is soon, is it not?"

Now he was surprised. "In a month., yes."

"I was thinking," she avoided his gaze, and he instinctively knew that she was hiding something from him. "I think I might be able to clear a few days off of my calendar, if you would like to do something. We could go to Kalevala for a few days, or even somewhere else. Alderaan, perhaps, or Naboo."

It was all he could do not to gape at her. "You want to go somewhere with me?"

She looked up quickly, and he could see the momentary hurt that flashed through her eyes. "I… yes. I know I haven't been available very often these past few years," _that was an understatement,_ "but I would like to do something for you this time." She was biting her lip, now, an action he had long ago learned meant was a mix between nervous and afraid. "We can go wherever you want to. If you want, we can look at a star chart after we finish eating."

Was she _serious_? It didn't feel like she was lying.

Anywhere he wanted. His mind scrolled through his top places to visit, and quickly settled on one.

"Can we go to Coruscant?" Her eyes widened, and she looked as if she was about to object, but he didn't give her a chance. "I haven't been since I started at the Academy, and that's been over ten years ago. And they're just about to open the new space museum, and their supposed to have an actual Jedi starfighter there."

Her face seemed to tense, but she only offered him a small smile. "Of course we can go to Coruscant. I'll have my assistant arrange everything this evening."

* * *

 **So that's it! I'm sorry that it's not really much of a 'happy ending', but this will serve as something of a prologue for a multi-chapter fic that I will be posting sometime in the future. (Teaser: It will be built around Korkie's request)** **Until then, I hope you enjoy this!**


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